Once both spouses accept this fact, a major barrier to change disappears. On the other hand, people with Aspergers tend to focus on only one activity at a time, and they focus on that activity intensely with little regard for anything else going on around them. Difficulty developing, maintaining and understanding relationships. The difference between these two conditions is that people with Social Anxiety Disorder lack self-confidence and expect rejection if and when they engage with others. In the meantime, I wanted to write about this According to widely-quoted statistics, somewhere between 1 in a 100 and 1 in a 250 people have Asperger's Syndrome. Dealing with Trust Issues by David Joseph | Waterstones This can reach a point where social situations are avoided completely. One is the intense aloneness at having ones experiences either disbelieved or outright denied. I miss my best friends or family when we are apart for a long time. Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. Maxine Ashton describes the symptons as: Low self esteem. Neurotypical spouses are often plagued by ambivalence, confusion, and turmoil. The Cassandra Phenomenon In the early 2000's, the term Cassandra Phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the Cassandra syndrome, was coined to describe a group of symptoms that often occur in individuals who live with or know adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. He put a curse on her so that no one would ever believe her. The only hope for a successful marriage is to understand and accept the reality of these differences. Signs of these characteristics as early as 12-24 months of age, although the difficulties with social communication and relationships typically become apparent later in childhood. Can adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder change? I will be patient with those who need time to understand me. They often dont come up while sitting in an office speaking to a professional and because the person is not aware of their presence its unlikely that person would volunteer how hard it is to understand them. I have worked with over 2,000 couples for 25 years. They can consider what other people are thinking much easier than adults with Aspergers and they participate in the give-and-take of social interactions more readily. They tend to react passively to difficult circumstances, as if they are directionless and are drifting along in life. To ask a question or schedule an appointment, please call 415-922-1122. A new, and more accurate, understanding of the person can lead to appreciation and respect for what the person is coping with. Clear evidence that these characteristics are not caused by low intelligence or broad, across-the-board delays in overall development. In addition, whereas Aspergers occurs early in the persons life, OCD develops later in life. Genetic studies suggest the two disorders share genetic risk factors, and studies of the incidence and distribution of both conditions confirm that many people with Aspergers have symptoms of ADHD and vice versa. All too often, spouses and partners of adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder are met with puzzled looks, bewilderment, or even skepticism when describing their relationships. These questions help me assess whether the persons attitudes towards life, conduct in relationships, and general success in achieving life goals reveal any of the characteristics that typically are found in people with Aspergers. They act immediately and have trouble waiting. They dont have the strong preference for logical patterns in things and people, an inability to read facial expressions or blindness to what is going on in other peoples minds that characterizes Aspergers. Examples of these are insisting on inflexible routines, eating the same foods daily, brushing teeth the same way, following the same route every day, repeatedly rejecting changes in ones life style, being either very reactive or hardly reactive at all to changes in ones environment like indifference to temperature changes, hypersensitivity to sounds, fascination with lights or movement. The person is afraid that he or she will make mistakes, look bad and be embarrassed or humiliated in front of others. When everything has been addressed to the extent allowed in this timeframe, the final part of the clinical interview is the presentation of my findings. The dominate fear associated with social situations is of being closely watched, judged and criticized by others. Consider that, because of the differences in the way your brain works, a lot of what your partner is telling you about your role in problems is probably right. I will accept myself for who I am. Therefore, the Aspergers partner may see the NT partner as irrational or illogical. I'm a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. People with ADHD often try to do multiple activities at the same time. Perhaps you are a spouse wondering if your partner has Aspergers, a friend, acquaintance or colleague of someone you suspect has it, or perhaps you wonder if you might have it yourself. Cassandra syndrome is when the NT spouse knows something is different about their spouse and their relationship - but no one believes her (it's usually a NT wife) that her relationship is unlike other relationships - including therapists, who may try techniques that may work in a NT-NT marriage but are not effective in a AP-NT marriage - so she . . Search Works. I am a clinical psychologist in San Francisco with 30 years of experience evaluating and treating adults with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). London: Jessica Kingsley. After all, you wouldnt go to the trouble of evaluating whether you have a broken foot if, in the first place, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your foot. With this in mind, what is the actual process of finding out whether someone has Aspergers? Others repeat behaviors or say names or phrases over and over hoping to guard against some unknown harm. Because Aspergers is a condition that exists at or before birth, clues about the presence of Aspergers are found in the history of the persons childhood. Asperger's is a neurodevelopmental disorder. Again, screening questionnaires are designed to identify potential cases of Aspergers syndrome but they are not a substitute for a thorough diagnostic assessment. In her 2001 book, Aspergers Syndrome in the Family: Redefining Normal in the Family, she wrote the following self-affirmation pledge for those with Aspergers syndrome. Researcher Maxine Aston has described a bookend disorder to Alexithymia, which is the consequence of living with an emotionally stunted partner. I am capable of getting along with society. I am also married to a man with Asperger's Syndrome (AS). Specialties: Stress, Anxiety, Addictions, Self esteem, Career difficulties, Compassion fatigue, Relationship issues, Family conflicts, Trauma and abuse, Grief, Intimacy-related issues, Eating disorders, Sleeping disorders, Anger management, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Coping with life changes, ADHD I am a Licensed Clinical Therapist in Florida with over 5 years of experience working as a . They frequently lack empathy and tend to be callous, cynical and contemptuous of the feelings, rights and suffering of others. Accusing you of abuse 2. Sensitivity, Not Empathy, Is the Autism Spectrum Disorder Problem. What men with asperger syndrome want to know about women, dating and relationships. In many AS marriages the NT partner may be a super nurture, manager, and organizer, who entered the relationship motivated by a desire to help and nurture the partner with AS. A person is diagnosed based on the signs and symptoms he or she has rather than the results of a specific laboratory or other type of test. There is a similar difference with respect to impulsivity. Aspergers people do show and feel remorse whereas people with APD do not. Recent statistics from the Centers for Disease. Here is a description of the psychiatric conditions most frequently associated with Aspergers: People with ADHD typically have difficulty paying attention to whats going on around them, they are easily distracted, they tend to do things without thinking about the results, they are often forgetful, have trouble finishing what they intended to do, are disorganized, jump from one activity to another, are restless and have poor social skills. Cassandra Richards, LMFT (Markleeville) - Book Appointment Online! Employers are more likely to understand the ability and needs of an employee should that employee make the diagnosis known. One of the best things that can happen is for the couple to seek help from a therapist or marriage coach who understands the unique differences between Asperger's Syndrome individuals and NT individuals. Both partners need to be willing to learn and change their behaviors. There are also characteristics that are related to Aspergers but are also shared by other conditions. They interrupt, blurt out comments and seem unable to restrain themselves. No longer will they be able to hope to have a satisfying, intimate relationship. Or they may prefer a certain type of sensation and, a certain type of music, for example, and seek it over and over. Couples Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples (Asperger's) - HarryMotro Aspergers (also referred to as high-functioning autism or ASD level 1) is a subtle, almost paradoxical, disorder that seems to adversely affect men slightly more than women. Individuals with Aspergers have trouble understanding how people operate but they do respect others, whereas people with APD have no regard for people. Required fields are marked *. Ive begun to expect that wanting to feel cared for, loved, even understood is unrealistic, that Im asking for something I dont deserve to have. He refuses to make eye contact with anyone. Diagnosing Aspergers is a fairly easy process in principle. There is test yet developed that can be used to make a diagnosis of Aspergers, no instrument that measures Aspergers nor any procedure that can objectively sort out those with Aspergers from those without it. 9 Things to Know About an Asperger Marriage - The Good Men Project AS adults often may have a very difficult time hearing negative emotions expressed by their partner. It is often the case that a person seeking an evaluation does not have any documentation, formal or informal, that is relevant to the assessment process. B. They readily understand when a statement such as, its raining cats and dogs is being used as a figure of speak and not as a literal statement. their marriage fell apart. The advantages of having an accurate, reliable diagnosis of Aspergers are many. They may have preferences for how they handle sensory input like music, touch, sounds, and visual sensations but generally the way they handle these situations is much like other adults. Typically, along with this discomfort is lack of eye contact and difficulty communicating effectively. For example, someone with Aspergers can be quite intelligent and have mastery over numerous facts, yet have much less comprehension emotions and how they are expressed. I am a person who is worthy of others respect and acceptance. There has to be reduced sharing of interests and a lack of emotional give-and-take. Difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication and subtle aspects of how people relate to each other is characteristic of adults with Aspergers. Social Anxiety Disorder, also called social phobia, occurs when a person has a fear of social situations that is excessive and unreasonable. Does Your Man Have Aspergers? - ADD & ADHD Holistic Treatment Often, people tell me when we meet to discuss an Aspergers evaluation that the symptoms of Aspergers they have seen, usually online, match what they notice in themselves. At one point, they will have extreme energy, be unusually happy, energetic, talkative, feel wonderful about themselves and on top of the world, have little need for sleep, be drawn to unimportant or irrelevant activities, and generally act unlike themselves. Completing one or more of these questionnaires can identify abilities, inclinations and behavior that could be indicative of Aspergers syndrome. Just as often other people, in researching Aspergers symptoms, believe the person coming to see me has those very characteristics and therefore must have Aspergers. Here are some autism spectrum facts about individuals with Aspergers that it's important for NT partners to understand: Step 1: The diagnosis of AS must be made and accepted by the AS partner. What is also necessary are skills in communication, handling conflict, showing empathy, compromising, and providing nurturance and comfort. I'm really struggling with my marriage at the moment (if you look at my other posts you'll realise why). In the early 2000s, the term Cassandra Phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the Cassandra syndrome, was coined to describe a group of symptoms that often occur in individuals who live with or know adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Message to Neurodiverse Couples: "You have 4 ways to deal - YouTube Persons with AS/ASD are good at masking their disability by role playing and copying other's behavior. Sitting down and talking to someone makes the difference between an assessment of Aspergers that has a high degree of confidence and one that is questionable. The symptoms of OTRS are stress-related health problems. Marriage with Asperger's Syndrome: 14 Practical Strategies I realize that I have only scratched the surface here. Many of these symptoms overlap with those of Aspergers. It advocates for discrimination against autistic people in custody cases, and its members seem to believe that autistic people should not be allowed to have families at all. People with Bipolar Disorder (BD) have distinct ups and downs in their mood. Currently there are nine screening questionnaires that are used to identify adults who may have Aspergers. Cassandra syndrome (married to someone with aspergers and *really* struggling)15. As an NT individual, you will need to shift from "what is wrong" about your partner and the relationship, to "what is right." Cassandra and the Aspie: Marriage and Asperger's Syndrome And if you are an NT, remember that your AS partner is from the AS planet. Genetic studies suggest the two disorders share genetic risk factors, and studies of the incidence and distribution of both conditions confirm that many people with Aspergers have symptoms of ADHD and vice versa. Chelsea Manning - Wikipedia Only we make ourselves unhappy and miserable. What is the Cassandra Phenomenon? - Autism Research and Education My Husband Was Diagnosed With Asperger's At 55. Here's How - HuffPost Covid-19. Research has shown growing evidence for a connection between Aspergers and ADHD. When they are down, they feel sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and inappropriately guilty. These behaviors, to repeat the same action over and over, are similar to the repetitive routines associated with Aspergers. Can Someone With Autism Spectrum Disorder Feel Love? Instead, their future will be filled with loneliness and alienation from others with no expectation of improvement. People with Aspergers think through their actions more carefully. The answer lies in how much these characteristics affect the persons social, occupational or other important areas of functioning. Original. Disability Representation in Film, Tv, and Print Media Do you think "venting" will change your spouse? How would you know? Individuals with Aspergers are rarely deceitful, in fact, they are often considered excessively, even naively honest, quite unlike those with APD who are predictably deceitful and unremorseful, and unlike people with Aspergers they are incapable of feeling genuine love. The Empathizing-Systemizing Theory of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder. Feelings of anger/depression. Indications that these characteristics are causing significant problems in relationships, work or other important areas of the persons life. The first meeting covers general facts about the person, particular those relating to his or her present life. They have few friends, date infrequently if at all, and often have trouble in work settings where involvement with other people is necessary. The phrase, He wears his heart on his sleeve, does not make sense to me. What are the advantages & disadvantages of a diagnosis? Cassandra and the Aspie: Marriage and Asperger's Syndrome. She didn't know she'd married a man on the autism spectrum - CNA
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